Being a Swedish husband and dad taking care of a two year old son in a little town in Kyushu, Japan, is as meaningful and happy a life as I could imagine. Sure, an everyday life of caring for a son and home from morning to bedtime has its challenging aspects, some a bit more challenging than I would wish for, but everything meaningful comes with its challenges I have come to believe, and I try to use them as much as possible for improving as a father and husband. So while my wife is busy working, I feel so much gratitude for being able to do what I want to do the most, that is taking care of our son.
I guess my life is quite different from that of a normal Japanese working dad (I have almost no idea about Swedish dads, having been living in Japan for quite sometime and not having so much contact with dad-friends in Sweden). During the weeks my son and I do different activities with other kids and parents. Or I should say mums, the last two years I think I have seen a dad present maybe two times. We are part of an activity circle for small kids, my son and I together with other kids and their moms. We go to playgroups and meet other kids with their moms, we go to the playgrounds in the mornings and meet other kids and their moms. When we go shopping for groceries we sometimes meet kids with their moms that we know. When we go to the outdoor activity center in the mountain we meet child and mom friends, when we take the bike to the beach we meet our mom and kid friends.
Come to think of it I do not think I have spoken many words other than hello to any Japanese dad since moving here. Often I feel I kind of know what the life of being a Japanese stay-at-home mom is like. Being a Japanese dad however, is still an unknown to me, although I sometimes imagine I get a little glimpse into that world as well.
When my wife has her weekend yoga class or a busy project at work that she needs to spend part of the weekend working on, my son and I often go to the park. There, a Saturday or Sunday morning, are as many dads with their kids as there are moms, maybe even a few more. The playground is normally quite busy during the weekends if the weather is nice, while during the weekdays we are only a few people there. A weekday morning it is quite easy to connect to the other stay-at-home moms, to share some thoughts about our children and life as an parent taking care of the home, and our kids normally play a bit together. On the weekends however, I see the dads playing alone with their kids most of the time, just like me and my son. Sadly we almost never talk to each other. Maybe the dads just want to make the very very most of this chance they have to spend some quality time alone with their kids. That I could surely understand.
The other weekend my wife and I went to the hairdresser with our son. He has been to the hairdresser before and I have been sitting there next to him while he was being cared for, but this time, since only one parent is allowed to sit with the child, I stayed outside and looked at the activity through the windows. Together with the other dads – there I felt a strange understanding for what the life of being a not-stay-at-home dad might be like. One of the playgroup moms once told me that her husband said he could never handle doing stay-at-home dad when she told him about me and my son. For me it feels quite the opposite and I sometimes wonder if I could handle looking in on my son’s life from the outside like my wife does every day when she has to work. I am so admiring my wife. And I am so grateful for being able to be inside the sheet of glass most of the time.
Thank you.
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