non-essential person

Is this the new normal now? To be afraid of people, to see a city shut down. When going to the supermarket I felt like I was in the middle of a zombie-movie. And I really do not like those – a half deserted town with stores closed and where people are slowly walking, hiding behind masks – not many faces visible. In the supermarket cashiers behind curtains of plastic, and marks on the floor to keep queuing people from standing too close to each other. And our hospital does no longer allow me to come with my family when we have a check-up appointment for our baby.

Is this the new normal now – I am no longer essential? Of course I am not, in the sense that our baby is our number one priority, but still – from the beginning, every step of the way it has been the, first two and later three, of us going to the hospital together. But no more. And that feels just plain wrong. We are supposed to be together. I am supposed to be there for my wife and child. And just imagining sitting alone in a room somewhere while my wife is giving birth to our son, all by herself, no husband to cry with, yell at, get comfort and encouragement from. No, I do not want to think of that right now, I hope the situation will change, I hope they will find ways to safely let husbands be with wives while giving birth. I hope this is not the new normal. But even if I do not want to think about it I think about it all the time, and most of all I hope my wife and our baby will have a safe delivery, with our without husband.

Right now my love is waiting outside the doctor’s office and I am writing this. She sent me a photo from the bathroom, having washed her hands and washed her hands and gargled. Even behind the mask and big protective glasses I could see that she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. On her chest is a sticker showing she has done the temperature check at the entrance of the hospital. Her hand is doing a peace sign. As always she is working for us, and I could not be more grateful, but this time also filled with sadness and a longing to be there, to see our baby move on the screen. To hold my wife’s hand and carry her bag.

So what I will do? Well, the old normal – I will clean the kitchen and start to prepare a nice meal before meeting her. That is what we do – try to cooperate despite what.

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